I got to see Jerry last night.  Not much more I can say other than I love the guy.  We are very lucky to have each other.  Put a picture of him at the bottom of this entry.  Not the best picture of him, but it'll do until I get a better one of him or maybe even us together. 

Today is my "baby" Eddie's 16th brithday today!  I cannot believe he is that old.  He is becoming a fine young man, and I am exceedingly proud.  We went for him to take his permit test.  Guess one of us should have checked - PennDOT does not do any testing on Mondays.  It never occured to me.  Hopefully, we will be able to go tomorrow right after school/work. 

Party guy above is to commemorate the great evening/night we had last night and today.  Our department went for a "last horah" so to speak in the Poconos.  Two of the ladies own a nice mountain house about 1.5 hours from here.  We all went up last evening, stopped for dinner at a local place and then pretty much hung out each with her preferred libation and chatted, played rummy and pictionary.  Pictionary was hysterical.  The diner was nice enough.  Brian joined us for diner and back at the house for the games.  One of the owners will not let him sleep over.  There are plenty of beds/separate bedrooms but nope.  Anyway... at diner Glenna got a call on her cell... from New Zeland.  Our friend Faith moved there not quite 2 years ago to teach and live in a beach community.  She has some way to call for free and we all got to talk to her!  It was sooooooo good to hear from her.  She is one of the most positive people I know.  She's engaged, which is cool and they will be visiting the area in July!!!  I am very excited that we may get to see her.  What a nice way to make a nice evening even better. 

Today, we all got up early.  A few ladies went out for a wonderful walk.  Then the "rookies" made breakfast.  Talk about a breakfast - started out with smoothies, then oatmel (the real stuf), an egg concoction, bacon, and toasted challah bread.  Man!  When everyone was done their getting ready ruetine, we drove out to a great outlet complex.  Funny, all of us found good buys... then of course had to share them with each other when we met back up.  Even the drives up and back were not bad.  The company made the outing exceptional.  We were all very relaxed together and just had fun.  While I didn't get much sleep last night (for whatever reason I could not fall asleep untill  after 3am) it was very much worth it. 

Yesterday, I went on a field trip with Colleen's digital photo class.  It was raining on the trip down there, but pretty much just down to a mist when we got to the gardens.  The groups were no more than 7 students in each and there wasn't all that much to do other than remind the stragglers to catch up and try to stay out of the kinds' shots.  There was not really enough time for the kids to walk around and get as many pictures as they wanted, but they did get quite a few.  Colleen was fun to hang around with and even more fun to sit on the bus with and listen to.  She is so funny and chatty.  On the way home, I realized that this trip was probably my last school field trip with my own children.  Maybe Eddie will surprise me and ask me to chapperone one of hiw trips, but I sort of doubt it.  If this was the last one, I truly did enjoy it. 

The "eh" news isn't really all that eh, other than the fact that I hate (am almost phobic) anything medical being done to me.  I went for a second ultrasound on the fibroid.  It has not grown, but now they cannot see my ovaries.  Peachy.  Anyway... since I am facing the possibility of not having medical insurance if I am laid off and since I have had it with dealing with the effects of having a grapefruit sized fibroid, I went to see my gp Thursday to talk about the recent results and my next step.  Some women with fibroids experience heavy enough hemorahging that they require an emergency hysterectomy.  If that happened w/o insurance, I don't even want to think about how much I would end up owing.  So, my doc gave me a referral to the surgical gyn she had do her own C sections.  Hysterectomy may not be my only option but the possibility is there.  I do feel a little better than she referred me to her own doctor.  After the appointment I was pretty much a fit and a half, but I am a little better about it now.  I know 2 women who have had hysterectomies done, and they are fine. They are also very attractive and feminine. 

I ended up calling Jerry Thursday night just to run all of this by him.  We're not moving in together or getting married serious about each other, but we both seem to have a connection where we are pretty sure we want to spend some significant time together in our futures.  I hemmed and hawed for a while, but I finally told him what I was probably going to have done and that I would be needing his support thru this.  He could not have responded better if I had told him exactly what to say.  He is so cute when he talks seriously to me... "It's not your parts that make you who you are, OK? ........OK?..........OK?....."  Hard to convey in type but he touched me sufficiently for me to tear up.  Of course, five minutes later he was back to his usual silly self and was saying - "Well, you know I'm still gonna pinch your butt" and the like.  I consider myself quite lucky when I think of us meeting again after 26 years and what we have. 

Going to get some things done and get some sleep. 

Having my coffee for the day and contemplating...this week has been eventful.  The VT murders have been with us all week.  My school had spirit week, Jerry and I talked more on the phone than usual, the weather has finally broken!  It feels like Spring and we have seen sunshine!  Pretty incredible.  One of the students has transfered to a residential school out in Pittsburgh.  Another will be moving out of district, so he will probably not be in our program next year,  So, when our supervisor sat us down to discuss our end of the year evaluations, she basicly said may review was exzcellent as usual, thanks for doing such a great job on the after school scheduling and we probably will not need you next year.  Once again, I had deluded myself into thinking that I had another year.  Nope, looks like me and one other interpreter will not have a job.  They will lay her off first, then me.  If the timming were just a little different, my firend Brian would be doing his student teaching next year and I could take his position.  Nope, no such luck. 

Everyday, I plan on doing something toward looking for another job.  With all of our medical histories, we do need medical insurance.  Who knows if I will be able to find anything with benefits.  I will be conacting the colleges where the girls will be.  They both provide varrying levels of disability services.  If luck was really shinning on me, one of them would offer me full time with free tuition for any kids.  If not that, then there are 2 video relay services in the area, 2 rfreelance agencies I could work through or I may end up working at the school where one of our current students is transferring into. 

Tonight, Jerry and I are going to the Beef and Beer event our school is hosting.  We are rasing money for the Melanoma International Foundation.  I'm really looking forward to going to the event and hanging out with everyone ane seeing the Jster.  The weekend is going to be beautiful weather wise.  LAst night I went out for a 35 minute walk.  It was gorgeous out and it felt good to move.  Today I am hoping to shop, get laundry on the line and do some picking up outside.  Tomorrow swim, clean and buy groceries.  The washing machine just stopped.  Gotta get stuff out on the line. 

To say I was taken aback by this would be the understatement of the year.  I had never understood people having repressed memories and then suddenly remembering something and that memory effecting their present situation.  From the experiences I have had and trying to process many things, I should have realized this was just something I did not understand because I had not experienced it.  In a much lighter way, it is kind of like not realizing how many hours coaches put into high school sports untill I became an assistant high school coach. 

With the relationship with Jerry, my thoughts have gone to a more physical setting pretty often.  We have taken things extremely slow, which I do appreciate.  At one pointin another setting, I heard someone joking around about a certain sexual position... and suddenly I was with Bill in our house in Long Island when a certain incident happened.  He was falling on the floor drunk, I didn't want to do something he did, he was not coherent to where he could hear, understand and process what he was doing.  I could see the room, hear all of the sounds and everything else sensory that happened that night.  He did not rape me per se, but he had made me do something I didn't want to do even after trying to push him away a few times.  He was about 230 & 6'2" to my 170 & 5'5"at the time.  I wasn't physically hurt but felt demoralized and not valued.  When he was sober the next day, I asked him if he remembered what happened the night before.  He did not.  The pathetic creature I was... I just said, "You got a little rough last night".  That was it.  When I look back now, I should have run.  He should have been charged and prosecuted.  I never completely told him what he did.  (if he had actually not known)  I never even told anyone else.  It became one more dirty little secret we had along with the drinking and covering up.  I now wish I had valued myself enough at the time to have kicked him to the curb or something. 

There had been one day right before we separated where I almost hit Bill with a hairbrush.  I did not understand my actions at the time - the reaction seemed too over the top.  Billy lump lump had been sleeping or sitting around the whole morning while I got the kids up, fed and dressed.  He wanted to leave in ten minutes and I didn't have everything ready. (We were visiting my mom while still living in NY)  He got mad at me and I in turn finally flipped at the fact that he sat on his big ole butt all morning and had the audacity  to expect me to have everything done and four kids under 8 all ready. I get it now.  It wasn't all that had happened that morning, but that and 100 other things that had happened all through our marriage. 

Wow.  I am amazed at all the crap that we all went through and how we got through it and are still decent people.  I am truly blessed to have come through it all with as many memories as I do have and FINALLY with a sense of worth and value.  There is alot more I need to work on for my own benefit.  What a journey this is.