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December 31 goodbye 2007Not much new or exciting here. Oh... Colleen, Debbie and I went to see National Treasure. That was fun and I really enjoyed it. We all had a good time.
Jamie finally felt human yesterday and finally did her copious laundry she brought home. She had been sick the whole time she was home. I took her back to her apartment at school today. She was bummed to leave home again but excited to be back at school. She is really excited about using her toaster oven from Liam and experimenting with her rice cooker. Thursday, she'll be 21. How weird is that? I love that kiddo... well all my kiddos.
I spent a few hours for a few days setting up my ipod suffle from Liam. I thought I had it all set and went out for a walk soon after. I only had one song on it. So... I listened to it for 35 minutes. Finally got a nice mix on it and used it when I went walking today. (the third time since Dec 26!) I got a good mix to listen to while walking today. I only put it up loud enough so I can hear the music but still hear what's around me. We have some roads that do not have a sidewalk or have one that floods whenever it rains. The walks have been good for me... my weight crept up about 5 lbs and I wasn't liking it. So...as of this morning, I lost 2 lbs - woohoo!
Oh... I don't think I mentioned that some yahoo hit me the other day. I took Colleen over to work at 8am. When I was about a block away from home, I was getting ready to make a left onto our street and I saw another car getting ready to make a left off our street. I did not have a stop sign. He did. The car was stopped, but I hadn't looked really closely at it. If I had, I would have seen that all of his windows were still covered with frost and he couldnt see anything. As I was turning, I noticed he was moving.. then I started to think, "he's not going to.... he's going to hit me!!!" Boom. (but only a little boom) We both pulled over and to his credit he asked if I was alright. I said yes, then started saying not so nicely.. "You can't see anything!" So we both said we would trade info, then I realized everything was at my house. Being ever so smart I said I would run up to the house and get my info. Did I take a picture of him or his car with my cell phone before I left? Nooooooo. I asked if he would stay there and he said yes. Uhh. Yeah, right. When I got back he was gone. I was mad for a few days but there isn't a whole lot of damage on the car and I'm fine. I did go and report it to the police. What a pain, but in the grand scheme of things not all that important.
When I got back home from the police station, I texted Jerry. (not sure why but I did) I asked if he could check the car for me. I didn't think there was anything really wrong, but I wanted to be sure. After the Saturn I guess I'm extra careful now. I said there wasn't any major damage to the car and I was fine. I was half not expecting him to call or anything. About ten minutes later, Jamie comes to my bedroom door and tells me he's here. I go out with him and show him where the damage is. He's says it's nothing, just cosmetic. I thanked him for coming out. Then he says he has to get back to work - he hadn't told anyone he was leaving. That was Friday.
Tomorrow, I want to get a few things done around the house and just enjoy my time. It's been a nice break. December 26 whew, Christmas styleGoodness, gracious but time has flown! I did not have much money before Dec. 14th or so.... so, my Christmas shopping was mostly done between Dec 14 to Dec. 22. I had ordered a shirt for Jerry at least a month ago and that was it. I pared down what I wanted to get for the kids and my sister, but still did pretty well. They were all pretty happy with their gifts. Really at one point I thought they would all be getting small token presents and I think they would have been okay with that. The whole car debacle messed me up financially, plus there is always no child support to speak of since I dunno, last February or so?
Liam came over Christmas Eve day. He doesn't really come over all that much. I think he was happy in his apartment and had been working his rear end off for a long time. So, him showing up a day early was a little unusual. I swear I think I am hexed lately or something... or maybe it's just life in general and the way things go. Anyway... he was here for a few minutes and told Jamie and I that his room-mate died the night before. Liam looked pretty put through thr wringger. I feel so bad for the boy, no more than 22 or so and his family. The two brothers were Liam's room-mates. Liam found Chris Christmas Eve morning and called 911. The operator stepped Liam through the steps for CPR until emergency personnel arrived. It did not do any good unfortunately. Chris had some kind of neurological thing going on - he had had seizures before. Then the coroner and police questioned him for a while. Liam said that the police were pretty decent about the whole thing. I don't know how the other room-mate is fairring. It is so sad. Liam hung around for a while and just sort of soaked in his borther and sisters. It was good to have him around for a bit where I could see him as much as I wanted. Guess I am selfish.
Christmas Eve, Liam went over to our neighbor's house and hung out there. The rest of us went to Colleen's buddy's house. They are nice, nice people. I had debated going and am glad I did. It was nice company and a good way to relax. I stayed up a little later putting together the overnight french toast and doing laundry. It was the first Christmas Eve I can remember since becoming a mom that I was not up late wrapping. It was all done by Christmas Eve morning.
Christmas day was nice. Eddie and I finally woke the girls up at about 11:40. Much different than the days when they were younggin's and we had to tell them not to wake us untill the sun was shinning. I enjoy watching them opening presents and it's cool to see them enjoy opening gifts from one another. Liam came over around 1 or so in the afternoon. We exchanged gifts with him, then went over to my sister Debbie's. We had a collection of different appetizers and did another round of gift exchanging. It was good to see Debbie, Bob, Erin, Jason and Morgan. My brother Jim came over with his kids as well. We haven't seen them in a while. I always like spending time with them.
We didn't get home til about 10pm. It was quite a day. Did not see Jerry. I inundated him with calls and texts Christmas Eve day and apparently pushed him away yet again. Christmas day I sent one text in the morning saying Merry Christmas and another before I went to bed saying I hoped he had a relaxing, restful day. He sent a text saying Stop! Christmas eve night. And I should know better than to have sent anything else after that... but I did. Today I called and left a message basicly saying I was just leaving a message as he is busy, working or just not answering his phone. He called back. At first we did not say all that much... then I asked how he was... he said he had asked me to stop and I didn't. I said I know and I was sorry...had sent him an email trying to explain and had only texted him 2x yesterday. I told him I was trying... he said he had to get back to work. We were both upset. I don't know.... I am tired of trying to be understanding but know I should have left him be. Last Christmas he had arranged to leave a gift under the tree for me via Colleen. This year I pushed too hard Christmas Eve and heard nothing. I had my hand in it. It just feels like he is saying loud and clear how he feels about me. Frankly I am up to here with being patient... and then I think more. He hasn't seen his own son as long as we have been together (18 mos) and I think Christmas was a big deal when young Jerry was not so far away. Then his last long term relationship ended on or very near Christmas. He is understanding about my vast baggage... so who amI to push him? I have no friggin' clue. So... I sent him one more email apologizing for my part in all of the nonsense and telling him I was backing off. We have both invested a good amount of time and I think love each other.... he can call/text if he wants but I'll leave him alone til Saturday at least.
In that respect it was not the best Christmas ever. Still, there were some very good parts of the day. I love my kids and have so many blessings in my life. December 17 sleepMan, what staying up late just one night can do to ya! Eddie says he went to a buddy's house right after work last night and ended up falling asleep. I was confused enough when Colleen came home without him that I could not fall asleep. They had both gotten done work at the same time, which is rare, and I had told Eddie to talk to his sister as she would have the car. Apparently he didn't hear me or forgot. he went home with his friend Nick. So... I waited a bit and no Eddie. Finally decided to try to sleep. No go. I would try to sleep, then go to his room and see if he was there, then back to bed. This went on til 3am. He finally came home then. I believe him, but it did not help me sleep while he was out.
I have been dragging all day. Mentally, I am slow or not able to think clearly. I have no idea how I went weeks at a time without much sleep when the kids were babies.
I knew I would be no good at work on 2 hours of sleep, so I called in sick. I had been planning on staying home Weds and getting some Christmas things done. Not going to take off now. It's just a pain, as we usually do not have subs. I hate that the kids have to go without communication and the other inetrpreters have to fill in. That's part of the reason I have about 58 sick days accumulated. The Christmas stuff will get done. The house may not be as clean as I want it but oh well. I can't make myself completely crazy about it. As long as we have a few presents, a tree and each other I'm good with that.
Saturday I was out shopping. Got a few things for Jamie, Colleen and Eddie and got Liam done. I have a few more things in mind for Jerry and am working on a scarf for my sister. It's coming together pretty well even though I got such a late, start.
Saturday was Ebony's funeral. I did not go. Brian went, as EBony's little sister is in the class he interprets in. I don't know... I had only spoken to her a few times in the halls and didn't want to impose on the family. I may go to the memorial program tomorrow night at work. We'll see. Brian said the service was touching and there was a nice mix of people there. Enoby was well loved. Her dad said some wonderful things about Ebony and even about her mom. He seems like a very good guy. I really cannot wrap my head around most of the info we have heard about the situation. It is so senseless. About the only thing there is any peace in in all of this is that she is in a better place and does not have to live through the rotten things that surrounded her most of her life any more. Unfortuntaely for us, our community has lost a person that would have made the world a better place. She already had in her 14 short years with us.
I'm sure there is a mountain of lessons to be learned, and I guess they will come in time. A few things I know for sure - karhma can be a b*tch and the animal who killed her has some pretty nasty stuff coming his way. Second, I wonder how many people told Ebony how wonderful she was while she was alive. I hope a whole bunch. I'm sure she knows now, but how often do we neglect telling people we love what we see as special about them and that we love them? Too much. I am making an effort to make sure I don't just tell others about how neat my kids are or when my siblings or Jerry does something that touches my heart.
So... slowly but surely things are a little better every day. Those closest to her will have a much tougher, longer journey ahread of them and I hope and pray they have the strength and conviction to remember her with love & a smile and when approproate, change things that may have contributed to this tragedy. Alot of very bad things cannot be prevented but I believe this could have been.
Hug your babies,family, friends and sweethearts. December 15 FridayIt's Friday - yay! Great!! Seems like this was a long week. Today we had 2 interpreters out. Grrr. No way one person can interpret for 3 kids in different classes simultaneously. So, without a sub, some things were not covered. If the kids want to complain to their parents, I cannot blame them. I do know, however there is nothing more I personally could do. We've given the IU different places to contact or advertise and they chose not to. It's on them.
Things are getting back to "normal". (whatever that is) There are certainly kids and staff still grieving. The business of everyday stuff is slowly creeping back in. Tonight and tomorrow morning are the viewing times and tomorrow is the funeral. I don't think I'll be going. It feels like an intrusion on the family, as I only talked to Ebony a couple of times in the hall. Plus, if the kids decide to go to the school memoiral program Tuesday night I will be there. Being the wimp that I am, I didn't think I could get through both.
This weekend I finally get to start my shopping in earnest. The after school money came through in my paycheck yesterday, so it's all systems go! I have ideas for Jamie and Colleen but none for the boys. Not surprising I suppose. The girls just talk to me alot more than the boys do. Not looking forward to battling the crowds, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.
Happy weekend! December 11 a little betterAlthough we are very sad about what happened to Ebony, it appears that with a little help from each other our school is getting a little better. Yesterday was just an absolutely raw day. Ebony touched many, many lives and the surrounding communities she lived in have families who have lived here for generations. We work with a gentleman who is a cousin of the confessed perpetrator. The gentleman is truly a gentle man and did not know about this creep's previous charge out in California. (attempted murder) I am still trying not to think the worst of the mom, but she admits to using cocaine in the home and allowed this creep to go pick up her precious daughter after smoking "significant ammounts" of crack for about 5 hours. Every time we think it cannot get worse, it does.
The perp - there is not a cold enough place in hell for him. Once again yesterday, I felt that glimmer of wanting to physically hurt someone for hurting a child. There was a comment on our local news message board saying he will more than likely be preyed upon himself in prison when inmates find out he raped and killed a 14 year old girl. I cannot say I feel the least bit sorry for him. Ebony's dad is a good man. He warned Ebony and her mom about the mom's boyfriend. I am sure he is distraught that he did not get custody of her. I am trying to give her mother the benefit of the doubt, but she allowed this man into Ebony's life. I know no matter how abused she was or how hooked she may have been on whatever drug she had her daughter's safety in her care. A part of me is hoping her three younger children are in protective custody or will be very soon. She came yesterday and cleaned out Ebony's locker. It may be that she just didn't know what else to do. I turly hope she was not making sure there was something there (a journal?) that needed to be hid. I just don't know. I know there but for the grace of God go I, but I just get a very bad feeling about her. (and desperately wish I had had one way before Ebony's death)
Yesterday, the kids were allowed to go to the audion at any time to sign banners, talk to counselors or just cry on each other's shoulders. We walked by kids talking on cell phones in hallways. We stopped to talk to kids we did/did not know and console them any way we could think of. Some teachers taught a little, some just sat and listened to kids. Some sobbed. One of my favorite teachers started to talk to his 1st period students and had to stop, sit down and just cry for a little bit. One that I work with now was talked into letting the kids watch the news shortly after a press conference. I got up to interpret it as the smart boards do not show captioning for some reason. I wish I had said something there and then, as I had an eerie feeling. It reminded me of interpreting the newscasts on 9/11. My gutt was telling me this would not be good. The county DA announced that the perp had confessed and announced the charges. The charges make it very apparent how brutally this sweet girl died. As I sat down, my friend and teacher got up, turned off the smart board, apologized to the kids for showing them the news broadcast as it was inappropriate in her eyes. I did the best I could. I honestly told her she is the last one that would do these kids any harm and they had seen it with her in the safest place they could be. She must have cried for 10 minutes. One of the girls came up and hugged her. All of the kids made sure to say something nice to her before they left. You don't know what to do. You want to help the kids heal in any way you can and you do now want to do them any more harm. We are all human though. Our sign langauge club decided to forgo to Holiday display they were planning and put up a memory display and the I love you sign. By the end of the day there were banners throughout the school, her locker is covered in good graffitti, posters and decorations and some heart felt pages were written and put up. I think the vast majority of the kids have been kind and considerate to each other even in the midst of their grief. The adults are doing the best they can and I think the kids are mirroring that.
Today, we were to try to have classes. They were modified. We told the kids they can go to the counselor's offices if/when they feel the need with a pass, they can ask to talk to their teachers, or ask to step outside a classroom for a few moments. Principals and other school officials and staff from other places touched by tragedy have been gracious enough to share what has and has not worked for them and we are using their unwanted expertese. (and by unwanted I mean they never wanted to have to learn these things. Their ideas and input is welcomed as a huge help to us) Everyone is tired today. Many still feel raw and some kids spent more time in guidance than in class. The kids have amazed me and I swear I learn something from them every day. The guidance counselors and principals have been working nearly non stop since at least Sunday night. They have been incredible. The teachers face a new group of kids every 43 minutes, and some see an empty desk. Some got together last night just to cry. Some just went home and hugged their kids and loved ones. Full trash cans, sinks with dishes unwashed and loud music went either ignored or even embraced. Much better to be annoyed at your teen for forgetting to take out the trash this week - it actually feels good.
The student council has set up a scholarhsip in Ebony's name. Every fund raiser scheduled for the near future has been promised to this end. Ebony's birthday is Dec 18th and we will all be wearing bright colors, as she liked to. That will also be a memorial program for her, which the kids and staff are putting together. This Saturday will be the viewing and funeral at our school. The winter semi-formal dance was scheduled for Saturday evening, but it just did not seem appropriate to have a funeral in the morning and a dance the same night. There are more banners around the school today, written tributes and kids wearing T shirts they made.
There were some smiles today among the tears and tired faces. I am hoping that those who really knew her can share their memories of this beautiful child with those us who did not know her so well. And maybe we can learn to appreciate each other a little more and tell the important people in our lives what they mean to us. Hug your babies. December 10 There are no words...We all think we are immune to what happens to other people in other towns... this weekend it hit the school where I work. Extremely sad day. I can say that the students and staff supported each other. I had only talked to this fine young woman a few times in passing in the halls... cute boots, what a nice smile.... God bless her and her family.
December 03 pictures finallyWoohoo, I finally got the scanner to work!!! It only took about a month or two. Doesn't matter... They're finally up. One album has the pictures we took at Colleen's moving in day. It was an adventure for sure. The other album is from the trip Jerry and I took Oct 20-23. If we do that again, I will be taking more picutres of us. The scenery is very nice, but I like focusing on the people I care about for goodness sake!
Well, have some other things I need to do - grr. Did get my reading started last night and already have a bunch of notes. Very sad, but interesting.. I cannot figure out how in the world people thought such attrocities were okay. Inever knew that the Eugenics thing was pretty much started here in the US before the Germans decided to take it on nor did I know that the forced sterilizations, abortions and eventual euthenasia the Nazis started with the disabled and "undesirables" evolved into basicly practice of sort for the Final Solution. When churches spoke out about these practices, the hospitals and institutions where these things were being done were moved to the camps. I really didn't think that knowing the general stuff I know about the Holocaust that it was actually worse... although I cannot say that I am surprised. Seeing a film recently and interpreting it for the deaf kids made me start thinking about all of the awesome deaf people I have met the past 26 years (and other "handicapped" people as well) - what would have happened to them if they were in Europe before and during WWII? I am finding out and it breaks my heart.
Depressing topic... but at least some are becoming educated and hopefully can prevent anything remotely like it from even happening again. I think that's why Darfur and so many other tragedies we are seeing now have no business not being stopped.
Done preaching. A cool thing at work today... during public speaking, I interpreted speaches (videos) of JFK and MLKjr. There were subtitles, but that doesn't show pauses or emphasis. I ended up picking up my hands and trying to do justice to their speeches. So difficult, but I am so glad I tried.
Have a great night. December 02 it's DecemberHow did this happen? The past few months have just flwon by. Why is it that I am always surprised that I ahve less than 30 days until Christmas? It is the same day every year for Pete sake. I have one present so far. Had thought that it would be a very small Christmas for us this year... with getting the cars fixed/towed money is tight. I billed for some after school hours and the aquarium trip and I should be getting that money in my next pay 2 weeks from now. That wil be cutting it close, but it will still be doable. The only glitch will be if the IU does not process it in time.
I also have to read a book and write a reaction paper before Dec31. My CEUs are due by then. Yes, I have had 4 years to finish and really should have no excuse to be cutting it so close. But I do have an excuse - I thought my Eng Comp II class would cover the remainder. Turns out they wnat to include that as General Studies, which I can only have 2 out 8 CEUs in. I assumed that it would be Professional Studies and am appealing that ruling. If it is shot down again, I would not be able to finish anything in time. Hence the need to read the book and write a paper. Had the Comp class been Professional studies, I would have been DONE. Sometimes I don't like our organization very much. The next cycle will be MUCH easier. Our national conference will be in Philadelphia in 2009... that should take care of the bulk of the CEUs.
We got a little snow last night. The kids of course have been hoping against hope it would be the first snow/delay day... doesn't look like it. Looks like about 1" and it is supposed to turn to rain tonight. The kids are funny... they are so superstitious about wishing for a snow day - I've heard they do things like wear their pjs inside out, put ice cubes in the toilet and put a wooden spoon under their pillow. Guess they're willing to do almost anything to appease the snow gods.
Jerry and I talked last night. I had suspected he was in his holiday blue mood. It's understandable, but I am glad we talked. Add to that that he has decided to not get heating oil this year because of the price and is only using his fireplace for heat... which means he's splitting wood or has to attend to the fire often. Maybe I'm kidding myself. But I look at what bugs me compared to not having him in my life and for now have decided he's worth the nonsense. That may change, but for now I am good with that decision. I'm glad I made us talk last night... he is willing to do that and I need to insist on talking when something's bugging me.
Wow, I have the whole day today to do things. Yesterday I went out and did the grocery shopping. Sundays are usually my grocery days, but I didn't feel like having to go out in the bad weather or juggling the bags in the parking lot or here at home. So, laundry and reading are on my list today. May even watch a bit of the Eagle's game... maybe since they saw they could play well last Sunday, it will continue today. |
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