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December 27 maybe it's just me My older daughter has been persuing a relationship with her dad. I'm good with that... anything that helps the kids feel better about themselves I am all behind. I have my reservations, because of the way he has acted in the past - alcoholism, emotional abuse toward me, not putting the kids first... all that really wonderful stuff. So, Jamie and Eddie decide to go for a visit. I do not find out until last night that they are going TODAY. Ok, I can do this.
So... neither kid can get out of bed before noon on every other day. They were told Bill would pick them up about 11am. In my head, I'm thinking - ya, right that would mean he would have to be leaving Long Island around 8am to get here at that time... uh huh. Then I admonish myself for being negative. 11 comes and goes. The kids hear NOTHING from Bill untill after 1 pm. OK, so if you're not even on th road until 10am, don't you call and let people know you're going to be REALLY late? Nope, not if you are Bill. See, it is always all about how things effect HIM - period, end of statement. When he does call, he is at or says he is at about exit 7 on the NJ turnpike. That's 45 minutes to an hour away. Somehow, he still doesn't make it here until nearly 3pm. Yah. Don't put yourself out or anything.
By then, Jamie was taking a nap and Eddie was hanging out with his girlfriend and playing guitar. Their stuff had been ready and near the door for 4 hours. They went. I hugged them good bye, told them to be good and have fun. It is soooooo hard to say that.
Colleen stayed home. She has to work tomorrow night and doesn't want to go anyway. She and I kind of peeked out the wondows at Bill. He looks old, white haired and pretty doggone heavy for a diabetic. It just amazes me that I once thought he was so wonderful... Lord help me.
I went out to spend my Visa card from Jerry. I got a pair of jeans. Woohoo. Victoria's Secret didn't have the bra I wanted in pink. Grrr. JCPenney had a few cute things but nothing that really caught my eye. I will go out again soon to Habitats (kind of a hippy-type store) that had some earrings I like and maybe Boscovs or Ross or something. I am a weird shopper... seems I have trained myself to find reasons not to buy things, even when I know that Jerry put that amount on the card so I wouldn't have to worry about what I was spending. Go figure. I still want to get the most for the money. I was looking at prettier things than I normally do... I guess so I can show him what I bought later.
He also left me a message at home that gave me an old friend from high school's email address so I can get in contact with her. I swear he thinks I am way too quiet and sheltered and need more friends. It was a sweet gesture, though. He is defintely growing on me.
December 26 Merry, merry As usual, everything got done in time. About the only near snafu was not being able to find a bag I had two shirts in for the girls until the last moment, but it was found. The shirts were a freedom of speech shirt for Col and a pro everyone marriage shirt for my Jamie.
Christmas Eve day I went up to Jerry's. By then I had most of the wrapping done and needed a little time away from looking for the missing bag of shirts. We pretty much just watched tv and enjoyed each other's company. Jerry maintained his "bah humbug" farse through Christmas morning. He and Col were in ka-hoots. Jerry had been at the mall, and stopped by Starbucks to ask Col what she thought I would want. Being her mother's daughter (oh so practical) she suggested socks for work. Jerry is wise enough not to buy that. He went down and bought me a gift card, then took it back up to Col and asked her to put it under the tree. She did. I almost fell over when she gave me a little package from "Biker Claus". Have to admit I wouldn't have minded something sparkly. (and NOT for my finger!!) Still, the amount on the card did floor me. Now, I have to figure out what in the world to get. I could get a slinky dress or something, but it wouldn't be worn often enough. So.... I will hit the mall tomorrow and see what I can some up with.
The kids were all pretty pleased with their presents. There wasn't an overhwelming amount or any systems or ipods, but they seemed to appreciate what they got. We went over to my sister, Deb's house for another Kevin masterpiece... I think we are getting spoiled. It was wonderful to see my sister, her boys and their respective SOs. The dinner was sumptious.
I went back out to Jerry's to drop off his gifts. He seemed to like the little scarf but did not say if he ever wears scaves nd he started to play with his portable weather station. Guess guys like gadgets. I tried to not be too goofy about the holiday so it wouldn't bug him. it is a delicate balance trying to respect his hurts from past relaitonships as I would want hium to do for me and still let him know I am glad he is around to celebrate with me.
He had to work today, poor thing. I just kind of putzed around the house. I did do the dishes and checked out the sale circulars to see where I should spend my gift card. Jerry called and was surprised I wasn't out shopping yet, but hey I want to be smart with the money. He was bored as there really isn't any work to do and he was the only one there. I went down to say hello and tell him something that was bugging - basicly that I do not need him to be patient any more... I guess it was weird, but I feel he is a "good one" and I want to make sure he knows that he is valued. I also want to make sure that when I have something on my mind that I communicate that to him.
Jamie and Eddie are going up to their dad's tomorrow. I have mixed feelings - I want them to have a good positive relationship with him, as I think it will help them be more healthy emotionally. ASSUMMING Bill does not turn into an a**wipe at any time with them. That may be a huge assumption when it comes to him. I hope they have a nice time, but I will miss my babies - my nearly 20 yr old and 15 yr old babies. (yes, I am silly)
So.... I WILL be shopping tomorrow for a little retail therapy. I hope to see my buddy, Robin within the next few days for a gab session... we are long over due! December 23 2 days & countingWow, how did it get to be 2 days and counting!!! I certainly don't know. In early October, I bought the first gift for this year. Still, somehow I still have a few things to get today. Eddie, his girlfriend Alyssa and I went to the dreaded mall. I could not think of anything for my sister or Liam. Today, I will be going out and getting some wooden plates to paint for Deb, and a gift certificate for Liam for Marshalls.
The tree has been up for a few days, but it isn't decorated yet. The kids are always out and about. They will be getting an order to be here tonight after Colleen gets done work so we can finally trim it.
The last day at work yesterday was kind of fun. Only one of my classes was atcually doing something that took all period. Even that wasn't too bad. The deaf kids tend to want to just come back to our room... threy will have a week and a half being home with mostly people who do not communicate all that much with them. The kids surprised us all with mugs they picked out at Macys, my secret pal gave me an exceptionally cute stuffed Snoopy and a gift card for AC MoOre - this person is getting some good intelligence about me! Our buddy Steve surprised all of us with little gifts bags with trial size lotions and such... guess he has become one of us. Our room serves multi purposes - teaching all major subjects that individual kids may not be mainstreamed for, group discussion sessions with a psychologist, extra help for mainstream classes, a staff area for prep work for classes, coffee, lunch etc. We have always encouraged the "regular" ed staff to join us for coffee or lunch and it has made us a part of the school. Steve teaches Comuter graphics and ceramics and is in our room 1-2 times a day.
Toward the end of the day, we played Taboo with the kids. Then we did a signed version of "Let it Snow". All of the kids joined in, which is kind of amazing considering they are all high school kids. We had a wonderful lunch from one of the kid's parents' restaurant - delish.
It is great to be off for a week, plus the weekends on either end. I feel bad that Jerry only has Christmas day off, but that may just mean I have to go kidnap him at least one day. He is back to his bummer mood, which is understandable, but I wish I could yank him out of it. Almost forgot - he bought a car Thursday. Weds he called me at work and asked if I would drive him out to a place about 45 minutes away. That didn't work out, so he went yesterday. He got the car for about $3700, but says he should be able to flip it next year for about 4800. Part of the reason he bought it was it would be better on gas than the Suburban, but he first mentioned that I would not have to have trouble getting in and out of the Cadillac like I do his truck. That kind of floored me. GUess I'm easily floored. Still, I am happy that he thinks of things like that.
We had a fun time at our work party Thursday night. Very good food, fun doing a sing a long with Patti's hubby, a funnny white elephant gift exchange and wonderful deserts. Looking forward to Kevin cooking for us on Christmas day at my sister's. and just not running around like a maniac very soon. December 13 playing hookieHere I am at home at 9:45 in the morning. If I was at work, I would be in gym class right now. There is not all that much intepreting to do in that class. Right now they are splitting up to play baskteball, floor hockey or do pilates. The studnets I have usually goes to basketball. More often than not I walk the track. There's not all that much the guys say to each other that they cannot gesture back and forth to accomplish. I am home today because the last few days I have just felt wrung out. I have been crying over the least little thing like a goof. That is paritally cuz my hormones are so out of whack that my stupid period is almost a week late and partially cuz there is too too much to do. Now I understand why so many people get a jump on Christmas right afteer Thanskgiving.
I've just been feeling off. The last period I had was about 32 days ago and had lasted for almost four weeks. I thought I was being crafty by trying to skip it , but it ended up backfiring on me. Now, it's late and I am totally messed up physically. Yeah, it's not the end of the world, and hey if this is the start of menopause, bring it. But the wondering which day it's finally going to sneak up on me is a pain.
For today, I am going out to Target to see if they finally have the digital camera for Colleen, ordering Eddie's jeans and working on cleaning the house a little. I have been having a tough time saying good night/bye to Jerry so I need to get the house where both of us will be comfortable. I want him to be able to chill here when if he wants to without cringing inside knowing he is exrtremely observant. I don't think he would care that much but I also know that I will feel better. I am rambling!!!!
I have gotten Jerry a wireless weather station thingy. It gives the forecast and a bunch of other info. He is always chekcing the weather for riding the bike or camping and stuff, so I thought that would be good. I am also woring on a Harley colors scarf. I have been trying to think of something else, but it's hard. If I get something that he knows is expensive, he'll be aware of me spending too much when we have mucho bills. I had looked into lessons for something he has mentioned wanting to do, but I think I need him there to pick out the best days of the week for him. I looked into getting tix for a symphony orchestra, as he had said something along the way about wanting to see that as well. Add to all of the usual dating and gift exchange stress, is the fact that the Holidays are kind of full of crappy memories for him. He doesn't see his son much and relaly enjoyed making a Christmas for him back then. His last relationship was over and he was living by himself again about 2 days after Christmas. But at the same time, he was talking about how he dresses up in a Santa suit and rides aroudn on the bike on Christams day to see kids' faces light up when they see it.
Wow, I really am babbling now!! Maybe the coffee is kicking in. Have to keep this short so that I can get things going today. Carpe Diem! December 10 ConcertJerry and I went out to see the Australian Pink Floyd last night. (they are a Pink Floyd tribute band) He had gotten the tickets thru a PBS station during a fund raising drive. So, he spent a good deal of money on the tickets and I felt pretty darn good that he had asked me to go. I have always liked Pink Floyd music, although I still have some childhood night mare memories from hearing my brothers play Time upstairs from me when I was trying to go to sleep. (the stairs to get into their attic room were in what was my bedroom at the time)
From the time he picked me up until we said hgood night, we had a very good time. We took a trolley into the Radnor(?) where the Tower Theatre is located. That was easier than trying to find parkine there, and the trolley is no big deal. It really doesn't stink to be walking with him. There are times I go to take public transit where you are in not too great areas. Walking alongside Jerry, I felt like no one would dare bother with us. If anyone knew what a big ole teddy bear he is, they would probably be surprised. Anyway.... we got there in plenty of time and had a drink beforehand. The seats were about ten rows back, although since the venue is pretty small, any where you sit you would feel pretty close to the band.
The Aussies are true to any of the Pink Floyd songs I have heard and it was great. All of the lighting, mulitmedia and special effects, down to a huge inflatable boar/pig that appears from one side on the stage were awesome. Of course there were a few spectators who had a few too many, including a lady seated in front of Jerry. She was chair rocking to beat the band and apparently could not restrain herself from standing up and groovin' every so often. Her SO or whoever next to her tried to pull her back to her seat a couple of times. Most of those who ad to dance to the music did so off to the side aisle. If I do say so myself, Jerry was extremely patient with her antics. I don't know if I would have been, knowing what he paid for the tix. In general though, the music and the performance were excellent.
We had not seen each other since Monday, and it had felt like a really long time to me. It was so nice to have the whole eveing together. I gotta say that I looked pretty darn good, as did my date. He may never were the shirt he had on again last night, since i called it periwinkle, but he looked very very nice. Something that hit me last night.... this guy is nice almost to a fault. My hands get pretty cold and stay cold for a while in temps below 40. Well, he would crank up the heat in his Suburban and not turn it off untill I said something. Now for him, it must have been really, really warm (he radiates heat). Still, I don't think he would turn it off or down until I say something. So I made a note to myself to say somethinf eariler so he doesn;t have to melt every time I am cool. December 08 we are wired again!Well, the DSL is up and working finally! Yahoo!!! It was about a month w/o internet access at home and that was difficult for all of us. You do not really realize how dependent you are on technology until it is not there.
All of us are well and busy. Colleen has been accepted to 2 colleges so far. Eddie is busy with school and his girlfriend. Unfortunately, we have not gotten all of his paper work in to his new job yet and that is making me a little crazy. (the job is as a server at a retirement home) Jamie will be home from college next week already.
I am only started shopping and much to do yet. Not as bad as some other years, but it could be better. I want to get some decorations up this weekend as well. Have to make some lists (I do have lists made for the kiddos) so I can be a bit more organized & get things done sooner rather than later. Maybe then I can actually enjoy the Christmas season.
Jerry and i are still good. I find myself thinking about him probably more than I should, but he is a good guy and oh so cute. Tomorrow night we are going to a concert. I am really looking forward to it. Next weekend, we may be going to see the Trans Siberian Orchestra as well. Then again, just chillin' is always nice too.
Going to run so I can get myself home! Have a GREAT weekend!! December 05 dsl on the way!By this weekend, I should have the DSL up and running. It will be awesome to say the least to have internet access at home again. Funny how we do not realize how dependent we are on technology until it is taken away from us. It has been an inconvenice if I am really honest about it. I feel bad especially for Colleen - she has a term paper for English that has a rough draft due. It took forever to get all my billing stuff handled through Verizon, and when I did I assumed that they would put the DSL order through. Silly me. Finally, I got the order through yesterday and now it SHOULD progress fairly rapidly. I don't like accessing certain things from work, even after hours. I would not put it past the educational agency I work for to be looking at where we're surfing. They micromanage everything else.
I took pictures at Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. So, we have to finish the roll and get it developed. I cannot wait to see them.
More to come... I hit publish instead of save draft!!!! |
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