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four against oneJune 23 baby steppinTaking things little by little. I have a freelance job for July 17th and nearly had one for tomorrow night. Didn't respond quite quick enough for the one tomorrow night. Have to check my email more often and not hesitate.
Got a call to go for an in person interview at a college 3 hours away. It's where my youngest will be going to school and one of the benefits would be reduced or free tuition for him and I could take 2 courses per semester free as well. The district I interviewed with that I live in is still looking for people to interview... not sure why when they have already interviewed moi - who would do a great job for them. Maybe they have regs that say have to interview a specific number of people before they hire? Or maybe they did not like my answers. Who knows.
Did some yard work today and some going through some junk in the middle room. It's used for storage, but you really cannot move in there and alot of it was my mom's stuff. Got rid of so many dried up craft paint things and lots of other stuff. Hope to get some momentum going and keep going. June 19 so longWell, we took yesteday as our last day. Officially it's today, but there is nothing at all left to do. If the supervisor came in (he, like she would even bother!) she would probably assume we were in another part of the building. I find it ignorant that our supervisor has not bothered to say diddly to me since my lay off notice on Tuesday. What I get from that it is a "don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way out" feeling. Besides, 2 of my friends are retiring and I am being laid off. What kind of trouble would we be in? I just can't say that it bothers me.
We saw some of the staff at a donut and coffee thing the library held and then at the lunch the principals throw every year. I said good bye to the people who I had made connections with through the years. The hardest part was our group hugs right before all of us hearing support people left. Very hard to say so long to them. My one buddy, Susan and I could only handle that for so long. Driving away from the building felt a bit odd as well. It will feel the most strange if I do not have a job by the time school starts again. Not going back then will be weird. Hopefully, I'll have something by that time!
This morning I selpt in pretty late. It felt good, but it would be bad to get used to that. Gotta be doing something toward getting a job every day. June 17 Strange Days indeedSo, yesterday was indeed notice of being laid off. Three days before the end of the school year thank you very much. 50 sick days left that will disentigrate into thin air... what a goof I was to not use at least 1/2 of them. The head of special ed and hr were nice enough. Wanted the bop the spec ed lady when she was droning on and on about why... Gaskin ruling... districts taking back kids as they can do it "cheaper" (not better mind you oh no, cheaper is what we're talking about!)... HR lady was as nice as she could be. This is tough to do I am sure. Funny... Liam asked if I got severance pay. This is education - no bonuses, no severence. After 14 years - see ya. Haven't heard a thing from my supervisor. She hasn't been near our room while we pack up. Very nice...
Eddie's graduation was last night. We all had a really good. time. Yes, I choked up when his name was announced. Got all 4 through high school, and I am proud of him for sticking with it. We all had alot of fun afterward. Maybe even Eddie. The "baby", out of high school. He will have a busy summer. Am a bit sad for this part of all of it to be over.... but am also pretty stoaked about the FREEDOOM! Will post the pics soon!
Today was the telephone modification hearing. Faxed everything yesterday, but domestic relations did not have it today and did not call me back to tell me. I called them when I receieved no call at the appointed time. Faxed everything again. Boils down to Bill got the downward modification for three months. The tone I got from our hearing officer was that now that everything is in the past (Eddie is 18 and has graduated hs), I have to be "reasonable". Collecting over $100k in arrears isn't going to happen. She asked for the temporary modification, for BIll to make efforts to get another job and orginially for me to halve the arrears. I agreed to cutting it to $70k. Halving it made me feel sick to my stomach so I did not do it. Oh, and I guess now we will not have the contempt hearing on June 25th. Yep.
Said good bye to some of the folks at work today. Kind of tough. I stink at this kind of stuff! Still... trying to soak in the good stuff! June 15 TuesdayTomorrow will be a strange day - full of highs and lows. The low is that I will be meeting with the head of human resources and special ed. to discuss "staffing needs for next year". More than likely, this is my exit meeting. No notice - just go see these two for this meeting and morethan liekly THEY will finally tell me - 2-3 days before the last school day that I am being laid off. Thank you very much for 14 years of excellent service to the deaf students of our county... now don't let the door hit you in the a** of the way out. I have to say that it probably much better for me. I've had 2 interviews in the last week and have two more leads. If all else fails I can do freelance work and video relay service. (that is in the works)
Tomorrow night, Eddie graduates from high school. I cannot believe it. Hopefully, we can get past the tension that has been between all of us. He stays away because all of us are always on his back... when he is here, I'm supposed to be thrilled to death to jump when he says so. ... him not being here makes me cranky when we do talk. Yep. Just want to enjoy the night and have him enjoy it as well. Saturday he is suppsoed to go to the national Skills USA competition in Kansas City. Should be cool.
Our last full day of work is set to be Thursday. So far, I have not fallen completely apart. I have been trying to soak everything in and have fun with my co-workers. We've been paking up the classroom since last week. There's only a little bit left to do. Soon a new part of all of our lives will begin. June 09 closingAlthough we still have more than a week left to work, we are slowly but surely sorting through and packing up our classroom. It's very bitter-sweet. Many, many dear memories. So many kids have passed through here and touched our lives. So many wonderful people I've gotten to work with.
A few teachers have been by to look through what we have. Two have dibs on the trash pick (but very nice) chairs we have for staff and computer work. Sometimes, it feels a bit like vultures picking at remains. Most of the time though, the practical side of me wins out - if the staff takes things, there is less that we have to pack up.
Many have stopped by to say that they cannot believe the program is closing and how much they will miss having us here. Even students have been thoughtful and understanding.
An end to an era, but in many ways a new beginning.
ReadingI caught up on my daughter's writing blog today. She's still flipping brilliant, although she sees herself as a failure. She had to stop going to school because of a loan and financial aid mistake. Part of it was me not sending something in on time. She's working 2 jobs so she can go to cosmetology school so she can make more money (and becasause she enjoys it which I am fine with), decide exactly what she really wants to major in and go back. There's huge guilt for me with that... if I had gotten the forms in on time... if... if ...if
I can take disappointing myself. Or maybe I can't and it explains the things I do not get done. Dissapointing my kids breaks my heart. I'm their biggest cheerleader and if/when push comes to shove they know I would protect them no matter what it takes. At the same time though, I have not shown them how to live. To deal with the everyday stuff that comes at you with resiliance. I've been beaten down enough to where there are some things I've let go or maybe couldn't ever handle. I suck at being an adult.
I read what my daughter writes cause I love seeing her shine. She shines when she writes. She is also bruteally honest. Hence the pity party. I am her protecter and destroyer. I love the protecter part of me and hate the destroyer part. The one that has shown my kids how to not get back up when you're knocked down. Damn that pi**es me off. Resiliance is one of the most important characteristics you need to teach your kids and you need to do it by example.
I need to do better. .... to quote a silly drinking song... "I get knocked down, but I get up again....." Need to do more getting up and trying harder.
Done feeling sorry for myself. |
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